A Senators Secret
by xercesawake
Summary: Francis asks Doug to find something that he can use as against Catherine Durant. Doug finds something that could bring down her entire image. When confronted with the information, Cathy must decide what is most important to her. Becoming what she's always wanted to be, or staying true to herself.


Doug Stamper was waiting inside a conference room, tapping his pen absentmindedly on the table. Soon he heard a chorus of footsteps approaching the door and Catherine Durant came swinging in, looking tired and in a hurry.

"Please make this quick, Doug, I have a meeting with the Russian Ambassador in fifteen minutes" she told him, checking her watch and electing to stand.

"Madam Secretary, I think you should take a seat" Doug told her, leaning forward and eyeing her in a way that worried the older woman.

She sighed and couldn't help but roll her eyes. She pulled out a chair and took a seat. She stared at Doug and waited for him to talk. She was getting annoyed, she didn't have time for games. He stared at her, taking in her expression before he spoke.

"Some information has recently been brought to my attention" Doug began.

Cathy still was inside her head, thinking about her upcoming meeting with the Russian Ambassador and how much she wasn't looking forward to it. She stared at him expectantly, wishing he'd just spit it out.

"I don't have all day " she told him, her southern lilt pronounced in his name. "Very well, Madam Secretary." He said, pulling out a large photo from a Manila envelope and laying it on the table in front of her.

"Do you recognize this woman?" He asked her, studying her features as her eyes absorbed the face in the photo. He could see her heart drop and her face going pale.

"What is this?" She picked up the photo and stared at the pretty young blonde. She began playing with her earring nervously, her eyes becoming wide with worry. Thoughts of the Russian Ambassador long gone now.

"Answer the question" Doug said firmly. When she looked back at him she was disturbed by the look in his eyes. She had always felt strange about him but now she felt afraid of him, there was something in his eyes that felt dark and heavy.

She knew this was not good. "She used to work for me when I was a Senator in Louisiana. I haven't seen her in years. Doug... What's this about?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"Lillian Conner recently gave an interview to the Washington Herald detailing an affair she had with you nine years ago" Doug told her, his face like stone, cold and unmoving. His eyes like a snake, predatory and deadly in his stare.

"Thats ridiculous" Cathy waved her hand, looking away from him, turning her chair away from him and taking a deep breath.

"Several of your former staffers confirm a close relationship between the two of you". Cathy stared at him, "well yes, she was my assistant but I can assure you.." She tried, "don't lie to me, madam secretary. I can't help you if you do" he told her. "I can stop the story from being published but I need something from you".

She looked back at him, her eyes no longer worried. Sadness and anger spilled through them. She looked like someone had broken her heart. Doug was a well trained dog, eager to please his master and he certainly would with this information.

She never thought she would be on the receiving end of his bite, yet here she is, completely helpless against him. She could feel in his eyes how he felt nothing but contempt for her.

"what is it that you want?" She nervously brushed her hair away from her face and crossed her arms. He leaned back in his chair, feeling more comfortable now, more in control.

"Drop out of the race and endorse Claire Underwood. When you've made a speech recommending her I'll make the call".

She stared at him, feeling betrayed and sickened that Francis would stoop this low. Though it should not surprise her in the slightest. She knew Francis was corrupt but she foolishly thought she would be immune to it. She thought he was a friend.

"I can't do that" she shook her head, pushing the photo of Lillian back across the table to him. "You can and you will unless you want the entire country to know about your affair with a staff member barely out of her teens" Doug said coldly, his eyes and his face still as ice. His breathing never changing, he felt completely calm and in control.

Cathy stood up and walked toward the door. Her hips swaying with her irritated stride. The fabric of her navy skirt suit clung to her body and her heels clicked loudly against the hardwood floors. She wanted to storm out of the room but she stopped short of doing so, as if frozen by her last memory of Lillian.

"I don't want to hide anymore, I love you Catherine" the young blonde had whispered so sweetly to her, her eyes blue as a clear day and her skin freckled on her cheeks and shoulders.

They were lying beside each other in a DC hotel room. They had traveled many times to The capital together and although the girl had her own room she always ended up staying with Cathy.

The two were smiling, positively glowing as they stared into each other's eyes. Their chests just barely covered with the white linens on the bed. The girl came closer, resting her head on Catherine's bare chest and holding her across her torso.

"I love you too, my sweet girl" Catherine said to her, smoothing her hair away and kissing her forehead. She squeezed her tightly and Lillian looked up at her.

"I want the world to know that I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you..." Lillian was beginning to tear up, she did so often after they settled down from their love making. Catherine tipped her head back and kissed her softly, "I wish it didn't have to be this way" she said between them.

She gently moved her, continuing to kiss her softly and sweetly as she climbed ontop of her. The girl held onto both of her hips as she settled between her legs, the sheet falling off of them and exposing their warm skin to the cold air.

It was snowing outside and although they had a fire going in their fireplace, there was still a chill in the air.

Her hands came from her hips to either side of her face, pulling the older woman away from her mouth so she may look into her eyes.

"I want to Lily, oh you know I do" Catherine held onto one of her arms, closing her eyes as tears began to spill from her too. "You can, Catherine. We don't have to live like this" the girl said, smoothing away the tears from her cheek.

Catherine shook her head, her thick blonde hair falling in front of her face. She pressed her body into Lillian's, her young plush curves a delight against her aged figure. "I have a husband, children... Constituents who wouldn't understand" she buried her face into Lillian's neck.

She felt her breasts mash against hers, and she sighed, feeling her tears slow as her mind became distracted by the feeling. She has never felt this way about anyone or anything. She felt often that she should abandon it all just to bask in this feeling with Lily. She was afraid, she thought all of this was too good to last.

She could see herself with this girl forever, with their own home in the country, their own children even. She was hopelessly in love and completely trapped by the life she had built herself. She had dreamed of political success since she was a child, and she still had many more things she wanted to achieve.

She knew she couldn't if this ever got out. An adulterous lesbian Senator from Louisiana with a twenty three year old girlfriend would never become president of the United States.

She didn't want to think about it anymore, she didn't want to feel the guilt and the shame. She just wanted to feel Lily and bask in her warmth for the night.

Catherine could feel Lillians heat beneath her curls, she kissed her lovingly and began pressing her hips into her, feeling the sweet friction between them.

She took the peak of her breast into her mouth, laving it with her tongue. She squeezed it firmly, her heart beginning to race and blood rushing to wonderful places. She felt drunk with arousal, high from this feeling of being in love and making love to such a beautiful young woman.

"Oh Lily" she groaned, reaching between their bodies and gliding her fingers through her warmth. She kissed her again, slowly, looking into her eyes as she did. So much love in her eyes, so much sweetness that the world had yet to steal from her.

She pressed her fingers inside and watched her crystal blue eyes flutter closed as she did. Catherine gasped into their kiss, always surprised by how good it felt to touch her this way.

She gently bit the girls lip, feeling her skin breaking out in goosebumps and simultaneously beginning to sweat. She kissed her neck and her breasts, her breathing becoming rapid, she kissed the swell of her belly and heard her giggle with delight.

She lovingly caressed her the entire journey down and when she came between her legs the girl was already trembling and moaning softly.

Catherine's fingers were still inside of her, she could feel how her muscles clung to her, wanting her deeper. She pressed them as far as they could reach just before she took her into her mouth.

The girl shivered violently. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched as her superior in every way made love to her with her mouth. That brilliant, beautiful mouth that had won the hearts of millions. She could barely breathe with the pleasure coursing through her veins.

She struggled to keep her eyes open, she felt them rolling into her head over and over with each swipe of her tongue. Her thick long fingers inside of her began to move in rhythm with her mouth. They had done this many times now but it never failed to make her feel completely drunk and lightheaded.

"Catherine" she began to whisper to her and the older woman knew she was close. She could feel her tightening and her body becoming more and more tense.

The woman pulled away, using her fingers to finish as she plunged them into her forcefully, crawling ontop of her and kissing her again. The girl squealed loudly against her, her tongue dipping into her mouth and tasting what Cathy had done to her.

"I want to feel it, I want you to come for me baby... Please" Catherine whispered between their desperate mouths, sounding so overwhelmed with emotion she wasn't sure if she would cry before she gave her the release she needed.

Lillian sobbed when she came, her hips bucking and her eyes rolling to the back of her head completely. "Cate, oh god... Cate... no one but you..." She moaned as if she was in pain. Catherine slowed her fingers, reveling in the way her muscles continued to squeeze around her.

She kissed her softly, sweetly, their lips sticking to each other's in ecstasy. She felt the girls hot ragged breath against her cheek and she slowly pulled her fingers from her.

Lilian's body didn't stop shivering for a long while after that. She had made her many promises that night she knew she couldn't keep but she couldn't stand to see her heart break. She did not deserve it.

When she had returned home to New Orleans the next week, her husband confronted her.

"Whatever you have going on with Lillian has to stop right now, Cathy. I don't want to ever hear you've spoken to her again, and if I do... I wont tolerate it" he was red in the face, so angry he was shaking.

So she listened. She couldn't afford a messy divorce or a scandal. So she did what she had to do. She fired Lillian and arranged through her attorney a financial settlement for her silence. She even arranged for her to get into Georgetown University so she could finish getting her law degree.

That was almost ten years ago and still, the memories with Lillian were some of her fondest memories of the past. Her husband had died three years ago and her children never speak to her anymore. All she had was this job.

"If you don't do as I ask, Cathy, you can kiss your position as Secretary of State goodbye. There is no way Francis will stand behind you after this comes out" Doug stood too. He was feeling his control slip away, this was not going exactly the way he had envisioned.

"Do what you need to do, Mr. Stamper, I'm done hiding who I am" she smiled, fake and dry but getting her point across. She twisted the door knob and pulled the door open. Her fingers ached with tightness of her grip.

"This goes to press tomorrow morning" Doug called out to her, feeling himself get angry. She turned around and faced him, "so be it" she said before she left the room, walking furiously down the hall, her two secret servicemen followed loyally behind her.

She went into the nearest bathroom and broke down, her knees giving way beneath her. She slid down the walls and sobbed. Everything she's worked for, everything she's sacrificed and bled for was going to be destroyed.

She felt overwhelming grief. It felt as if someone had died. She felt helpless and that's something she's always refused to feel. She couldn't lie anymore about who she is and she refused to lie about Lillian. She could not live with herself knowing the truth and lying to the world about her. She couldn't blame Lillian for telling their story, she knew whatever comes of tomorrow she would deserve it.

She calmed down and pulled out her cell phone. She called her assistant and told them she wanted to find out where Lillian was. She had heard she got a teaching position in the Political Science department at Georgetown awhile back. She needed to see her.

She put herself back together and fixed her running mascara in the mirror. She walked confidently back out of the restroom and down the hall to meet with the Russian Ambassador.

She fulfilled her duty for the day and left the capital.

When she got back outside to her driver she took a moment to herself In the backseat of her town car.

"Take me to Georgetown University please" she told the man in the front seat. It wasn't a long drive, traffic was at a minimum and she was happy she didn't have a lot of time to contemplate what she was about to do.

She walked into the political science department and it didn't take long for someone to escort her to Lillian Conners Classroom. There she waited patiently outside for the class to end.

Soon students were piling out of the lecture hall, she waited for them all to clear the room. A few students stopped to speak with her. She shook their hands and gave them her best smile. She thanked them for their support and took afew selfies with them.

After a few minutes she excused herself and wished them luck in their studies. She knocked softly on the door to the classroom before stepping in. It was a large room and the blonde woman at the front of it looked small inside of it.

It was amazing how the girl could still make her heart race, just at the sight of her. Lillian was older, she has glasses now and her hair is cut short and cropped around her face. The girl turned around and froze when she saw Secretary Durant standing there.

"Cate" she said softly in surprise. The older woman stepped closer to her desk, wanting to embrace her but unsure if it was appropriate, or if the girl even wanted anything to do with her.

"I thought I heard something going on in the hallway. What are you doing here?" She asked, her tone expressing wariness. "I think we have afew things to discuss, don't you, lily?" The older woman answered.

"Look... I'm really sorry, I didn't know that woman was a reporter. I thought she was a friend" Lillian tried to explain but secretary Durant shook her head. She looked behind her shoulder and nodded for her agents to wait outside the classroom. They reluctantly obeyed her.

Once they were alone Cathy seemed to relax. She leaned up against the desk and watched the woman as she continued to gather her things.

"Lilly" Catherine said softly, her voice filled with sorrow and regret. The younger woman stopped what she was doing and looked at Catherine. She could tell the girl was fighting back tears. "I wanted to apologize to you. The way things ended, it shouldn't have been that way. You didn't deserve the way I treated you" She told her. Lillian smiled softly, melancholy and pain hidden in the line of her lips.

"I forgave you a long time ago, I had to... I had no choice" she said, taking off her glasses and combing her fingers through her hair. "Either I let you go or I would have lost myself. I... didn't want that" Her shoulders relaxed. "I just would have appreciated an explanation" She said.

"I had wanted to spend one last evening with you. I wanted tell you everything and make sure you would be okay but my husband found out... He threatened to ruin my life if I ever saw you again... so I panicked... I'm so sorry Lily. I was so selfish back then" Catherine said, feeling all of the emotions she had felt ten years ago as if no time had passed at all. She was still in love with this young woman and probably always will be.

She hung her head and sobbed. She shed tears of fear, regret and sadness. Yet beneath all of that was relief. She had always thought she would keep this secret forever. She always thought she would go to her grave without a soul knowing the true nature of her relationship with Lillian, without anyone knowing this young woman is the love of her life.

The girl stood and hesitantly took her into her arms. "It's okay" she said as she hugged her. Catherine clung to her, as if she would burst apart if she didn't have her close. "I never forgot about you, I thought of you every single day... Wishing we could have been together" she told her.

"Cate" Lillian said, her hands caressing her face as she did. "Look at me, I'm fine... being with you, as hard as it was, was a gift. I wouldn't be where I am or who I am without having loved you and lost you-" Before she could finish her sentence Catherine had kissed her softly on her lips. The young woman froze.

"Im sorry, I shouldn't have done that... It's strange, my muscles seem to remember you exactly" she smiled, wiping away her tears.

She stroked her face, taking in the older features of the woman she was once so madly in love with. Maybe she still was, maybe she always will be. She bit her lip and pulled her in for a tight embrace.

"How do you do this to me?" She asked her. The older woman laughed against her. "I was going to ask you the same thing" she said, pressing her lips to her long neck, sighing as memories of how many time she's done the same thing so many years ago.

"If you don't have any plans, I'd love to spend the evening with you. Perhaps we you would have dinner with me?" the secretary asked her. Lillian wasn't sure what she should do. She looked conflicted. As good as it felt to have this again, she had endured a decade of heart ache and confusion. She had forgiven her but she had never forgotten.

"I don't know if that's a good idea" lily told her. "What about your job? The article?" She asked.

"I'm done hiding. They can write whatever they want about us. I don't want to live in fear anymore" Catherine told her, stroking her beautiful face.

"Cate..." Lilian whispered, staring into her eyes, unsure what she really wanted.

The Secretary closed her eyes, breathing deeply, admiring the feeling of her name on her tongue. "No one ever calls me that but you" she smiled. They both smiled.

They left the school together, her guards following closely by. They climbed into her town car together and before they went to dinner, they stopped by Lillian's apartment.

"Oh this is much nicer than the old place you had back in Louisiana" Catherine teased her. the girl smiled and laughed, "a linen closet was more accommodating than that place" she joked.

They elected to get take out so they could eat in peace. Catherine hardly went anywhere without the press or admirers crowding around her. They went to Catherine's home in Capitol Hill neighborhood, a beautiful colonial home with bright white paint on the outside and dark blue shutters.

They ate dinner and drank wine in her living room. Catching up and laughing together like the years that had passed between them were perhaps only days. That fire, that tension between them was palpable now.

The entire house seemed to buzz with the energy of it. There was still something between them, something so powerful that neither of them could deny it. Soon without even realizing it, they were locked in each other's arms, kissing like it gave them breath itself.

"Oh Lily, I've missed you" Catherine sobbed between their kisses, her grip on either side of her body so tight that it nearly hurt. They yanked off each other's clothing, desperate and hurried. Their fingers not able to move fast enough.

They made love right there on her couch, their cries and whimpers echoing through her home. It happened so quickly and with such passion that it all seemed to blur together into a single moment. One single moment in time that no one could ever take from them.

When it was over, they laid there, panting against one another. Lillian's bare, sweating body lying on top of Catherine. Their arms still clung to each other. They felt as if they were to let go, they would lose one another again.

"Stay with me, Lily. I don't ever want to be without you again" The secretary whispered to her. The young woman sighed against her, a remorseful, saddened sound.

"There's something I should tell you Cate" Lillian said shyly, making the woman nervous. "anything, sweetheart. You know that" she said stroking her face. A long moment of silence passed between them.

"I'm pregnant..." she confessed, feeling her face turn red. Catherine was surprised, she wasn't expecting this and although it scared her she remembered how she had always wanted children with Lily.

"Oh sweet heart" she sighed, smiling blissfully toward her. She laid her warm palm over Lillians stomach. "Do you remember when you told me you wished I could do that to you?" She teased. Lillian smiled at her, laying her hand over Catherine's. "I said a lot of strange things to you when I was young" she laughed.

"It wasn't strange, I had wished That too" Catherine told her. Soon the room was silent again, serious. "I love you, that has never changed and now... There is so much more to love" the secretary told her as she kissed her sweetly.

"If you'll let me, I want to raise this child with you" she told her. "Oh cate, we've only just reunited. I don't know what kind of future we have together. I couldn't stand it if you left me again and it wouldn't be fair to my child if I..." Catherine sighed and gently pressed her finger to Lillian's lips. "Give me time to prove it to you. I will never leave you again".

They fell asleep together and slept well and peacefully through the night. Catherine had dreams of Lillian, the two of them alone in a beautiful meadow, warm and content with a little girl playing with dragonflies in the distance. It was as if it was all in slow motion and filtered with a glow around everything. Nothing and no one to fear or worry about. No opinions or polls, just her and her family. Heaven, she thought. This must be heaven.

She was awoken early the next morning. Her cell phone ringing loudly next to her ear. She felt around in the dark for the device.

"Secretary Durant, would you like to comment on the article in the post about an affair you had with a young woman while you were in the Louisiana senate?" The voice on the other line asked her, hurried and emotionless. Harsh in this early hour.

She sighed and looked over at the sleeping woman next to her and hesitated before answering. "It is the truth. I loved Lillian Conners and I still do" she said boldly. "Does this mean you're coming out, Madame secretary?" The woman on the line asked.

She took several deep breaths. She sat up, the memory of her dream still fresh. She would never hurt this woman as long as she could help it. She won't deny her any longer and if that means she's a lesbian, then so be it. "I suppose it does" she answer d. "You're a very brave woman. Thank you for your time and... I wish you the best. I truly mean that" the reporter said on the other line. It surprised her the warmth she felt from a reporter she didn't even know but she accepted it regardless.

She settled back down in the bed with Lillian and wrapped her arm around her. She wanted to be nowhere else in the world more than here right now. The White House and the world be damned.

This has been a work in progress for quite some time. There was always something about Cathy's character that intrigued me more than other supporting characters in the series. This is the back story I wish they would have given her.

Reviews are greatly appreciated!

\- X


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